Framework 05

The Nice, Nasty & Nurturing

A concept sparked in a session by a participant named Jules, developed further here.

If everyone in your inner circle is nice, nobody is actually helping you grow. A well- built circle holds all three of these roles, rarely in the same person.

The Nice

Validates and encourages you. Sees the best in you and reminds you of it, especially when you've forgotten.

You need someone who genuinely believes in you.

The Nasty

Tells you the truth when you don't want to hear it. Challenges your blind spots. Won't let you stay comfortable.

You need someone who loves you enough to be honest.

The Nurturing

Holds you through hard seasons. Shows up in the mess. Doesn't need you to have it together to be present.

You need someone who stays.

This came out of a conversation with someone named Jules in one of my sessions, and it stuck with me enough that I built it into how I think about my own circle. If everyone around you is nice, nobody is actually helping you grow. You need all three of these, and they're rarely the same person.

You need someone who genuinely believes in you, not out of obligation but because they actually see it. You need someone who loves you enough to be honest, even when it costs them something in the moment. And you need someone who stays through the hard seasons, full stop, without needing you to have it together first.

Go through your circle and be honest about which of these three you're missing. If you can only find one type, that's the gap to close next.