I think about every relationship the way I'd think about a bank account. You're either building a balance or spending one down, and most people don't realize which one they're doing until the account is already empty.


People in credit with you feel invested in. They don't brace themselves when your name pops up on their phone. People in debt with you start to feel like a resource instead of a relationship, and eventually they start protecting themselves from you.


The line I use with myself constantly: you can't make a withdrawal from an account you've never deposited into. If you want to ask someone for something big, and you haven't been showing up for the small things first, that's not networking, that's an overdraft. This isn't about keeping score in a petty way. It's about being the kind of person whose name people are actually glad to see.